” … sensuality begins in the mind and travels down,not vice versa. Consider for a momentwhy the slightest brush of an earlobe by a lover’s lips can be tremendously exciting while direct genital contact during a medical exam leaves us cold. The difference lies in the meaning of the events, and meaning is constructed by our minds, not our erogenous zones.
For both sexes, then, the journey of sexual desire is not that of a simple reflex. Between our innate desire and biological capacity for pleasure and connectedness and the particular forms that it takes in the lives of individual men and women lies a psychic system that either allows sexual excitement to flourish or shuts it down completely. This “system” is unconscious and can be a minefield for sexual desire.
At the deepest level of our minds, we all have feelings and believes that complicate sexual excitement. For example, many of us tend to feel especially guilty and worried about others.[…] Others feel vulnerable to feelings of shame and rejection are prone feelings of inadequacy, and such negative states invariably have a chilling effect on desire. Suffice it to say that human beings are wired such that we cannot get maximally aroused while we are feeling overly responsible for others, worried about their welfare, sensitive to shame and rejection, or depressed about ourselves.
While the desire for pleasure is universal and the capacity to feel it may be hard-wired, everyone has some mixture of the very feelings and beliefs that makes sexual excitement potentially problematic.”
Dr. Michael Bader – clinical psychologis and psychoanalyst
Having a better insight of our own sexuality might help us to deal better with guilt and shame. In tantric massage, being non-judgemental and emphatic is a must. Only this way the receiver can unfold and enjoy the tantric experience.